hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
