So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my being single is dangerous.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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