look no pants
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
