Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
