I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
