Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
