btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
