I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
