i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
