running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
