everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
