so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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