Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
