How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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