textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize