You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
