Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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