In the future we'll all be gay
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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