i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
