Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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