In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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