Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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