So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
