I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
