That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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