If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
