alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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