took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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