the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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