Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
