WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
