Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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