is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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