i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're like the curious george of whores
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am available for nakedness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
