She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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