Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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