True but thats because hes a fetus.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
