every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
