They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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