Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
