nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
