Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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