If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
