I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
