On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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