I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
