I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
