i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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