Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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