Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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