wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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