his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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