Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
