I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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