he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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