Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
