Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
