There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
