the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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