he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
