When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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