Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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