yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
