omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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