I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
