sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
