I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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