You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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