It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
