im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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