Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
