Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
