I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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