i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she looked like the before picture.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
