dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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