thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
