I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
