By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
